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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30418) - you deserved it (3542)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30596) - you deserved it (1916)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

#19522114
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38488) - you deserved it (2882)

On 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20837) - you deserved it (2243)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (3832)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

#19505040
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21862) - you deserved it (4179)

On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

#19437878
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27563) - you deserved it (2558)

On 04/09/2012 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by Madeline Lee (woman) - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML

#19421919
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86270) - you deserved it (4249)

On 04/07/2012 at 4:20am - love - by ladylarni - Australia

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25372) - you deserved it (9464)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23207) - you deserved it (10323)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

#19357429
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (23187)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47184) - you deserved it (4594)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

#19071061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23144) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Just_Me_88 (woman) - United States

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

#18929275
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6600) - you deserved it (50511)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

#18845928
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37884) - you deserved it (6082)

On 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by MakesMeLol (man) - Ireland (Dublin)



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