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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20831) - you deserved it (2240)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41959) - you deserved it (3831)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

#19505040
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (4178)

On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

#19437878
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27553) - you deserved it (2558)

On 04/09/2012 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by Madeline Lee (woman) - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML

#19421919
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86250) - you deserved it (4248)

On 04/07/2012 at 4:20am - love - by ladylarni - Australia

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (9464)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23193) - you deserved it (10320)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

#19357429
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28892) - you deserved it (23175)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47177) - you deserved it (4594)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

#19071061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Just_Me_88 (woman) - United States

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

#18929275
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6598) - you deserved it (50491)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

#18845928
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37874) - you deserved it (6079)

On 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by MakesMeLol (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

#18685700
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43527) - you deserved it (7103)

On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

#18671764
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34592) - you deserved it (2905)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by tooearly (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

#18001464
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7177) - you deserved it (52383)

On 10/16/2011 at 8:47pm - health - by kp - Australia



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