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ButterzXx

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ButterzXx

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  • Number of visits : 1206
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ButterzXx's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

#19071061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23126) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Just_Me_88 (woman) - United States

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

#18929275
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6596) - you deserved it (50456)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

#18845928
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37850) - you deserved it (6079)

On 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by MakesMeLol (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

#18685700
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43500) - you deserved it (7101)

On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

#18671764
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34558) - you deserved it (2903)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by tooearly (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

#18001464
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7166) - you deserved it (52365)

On 10/16/2011 at 8:47pm - health - by kp - Australia

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

#17977094
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64054) - you deserved it (3200)

On 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm - love - by Good sister (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

#17926185
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39182) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/07/2011 at 5:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

#17615072
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34718) - you deserved it (3372)

On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

#16181302
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76878) - you deserved it (23611)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

#14449491
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48505) - you deserved it (9812)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:40am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

#14397838
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (5147)

On 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

#14242340
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19916) - you deserved it (81798)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

#13950658
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (2081)

On 11/23/2010 at 3:53pm - work - by Username -

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

#7293990
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25435) - you deserved it (8116)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)



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