About ButterflyHaze : Bruh
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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ButterflyHaze's favorite FMLs
Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her I was at my dad's house, she clarified; she meant her husband of one year, not my actual father who has raised me for the past 25 years. Apparently, he feels "left out." FML
by PaintedDoll / 06/19/2016 at 11:12pm / United States / Holidays
Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML
by Mexican / 06/18/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 10:09pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML
by creeper-status / 05/05/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML
by Nasty / 04/25/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Dipping Tired / 04/20/2016 at 7:17pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML
by itsnotyouitsme / 04/20/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Animals
by iliana74 / 04/20/2016 at 12:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 8:56pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML
by killme.jpeg / 04/17/2016 at 9:04pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML
by K.S.S. / 04/16/2016 at 10:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, my friend asked me for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. I've never done it before so I googled it, my own boyfriend happened to walk in and now isn't speaking to me. He won't believe me when I say it was "for a friend." FML
by howtobreakup / 04/11/2016 at 12:39pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
by bruised / 04/11/2016 at 3:26am / United States (Michigan) / Love