I waz about to boon mai girlfriend out at the lake, but suddenly she yelled. So I looked up and waz Big Foot.
Then I went back to boon her, but the mozquitoes were going crazy and she said there waz no wai.
pezforpyro1 on aim
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24051) - you totally deserved it (2197)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - kids - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML
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On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
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On 07/08/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by AmberKCole (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
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On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML
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On 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML
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On 05/21/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by boyo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then proceeded to run into a curb, spill my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML
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On 05/18/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by lulabell (woman) - United States
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)
