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BurntPorkChops

Offline (the 02/07/2015 at 8:23pm) | Search for a member

BurntPorkChops

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  • Number of visits : 1346
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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BurntPorkChops's page activity

Visits<b>nevergetsfirst</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 2:49pm<b>jennieeugster</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 7:13am<b>ViRepz</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 7:11am<b>AntiPrude</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 9:56am

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BurntPorkChops's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

#21347235
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29255) - you deserved it (2390)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29923) - you deserved it (5196)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41667) - you deserved it (2513)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

#21304463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31493) - you deserved it (4325)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

#21303913
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30788) - you deserved it (2288)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm - kids - by uterurist (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32749) - you deserved it (2550)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20240) - you deserved it (44985)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

#21105380
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38020) - you deserved it (5794)

On 04/05/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

#21105190
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41620) - you deserved it (12897)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

#21105078
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70357) - you deserved it (6794)

On 04/05/2014 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44536) - you deserved it (3120)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

#21104650
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (11867)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm - love - by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33471) - you deserved it (18447)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58748) - you deserved it (4066)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (6068)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)



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