Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 3:23pm) | Search for a member
About Budderchook : How the Hell did you get to my damn profile you profile creeper! I don't comment. Ever. ! But it's okay. I'm a profile creeper too :3
And here I will leave you with some useless information about me :)
I have had 15 pets in the past and have 5 now, I love love love books and sometimes tv (I like books better) I love FML! :)
I love music sooooooo much! It's basically my whole life! It's saved my life several times.
P.S, Please inbox me!
I love meeting new people, I'm now single. No, that is not me in the profile picture. I needed a new profile pic. Don't judge. If you visit my profile, you have the chance of being messaged! I randomly pick people to message.. (I only read the comment rules cause I wanted the badge) MY AGE ON HERE IS A LIE! Please ignore the amount of FML's I've posted. I make some up to make other people laugh, but most of them are true
I have KIK?...
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Friday 17 October 2014