About Btdtgts : Going to school and passing my time on here.
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Btdtgts's favorite FMLs
by I hate my brother / 03/20/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML
by chunky monkey / 03/14/2016 at 2:26pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, a student came out to me, saying that she thinks she's gay. This has happened several times since I have taught here, which made me wonder why they were comfortable telling me. Turns out being a single, childless woman of my age screams "lesbian" to this particular community. I'm not. FML
by phalangesenfuego / 03/10/2016 at 9:07am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by BoobiePain / 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML
by Alisterine / 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
by murrrrf / 07/21/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/20/2014 at 1:23am / United States / Work
by Death By Parent / 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by sexyhobbit / 07/11/2014 at 8:26pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/03/2014 at 5:46am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to… Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time…