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Brilliant66star's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 5:17am / New Zealand / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was taking a shower, I felt something run down my back. Assuming it was water, I lathered up my loofah and scrubbed my back with it, only to hear a gross crunching sound. I pulled back my loofah to see a smushed, twitching cockroach that I had smeared on my back. FML
by kittywings / 04/28/2016 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by filipkm / 04/28/2016 at 6:04pm / Slovenia (Ljubljana Urban Commune) / Miscellaneous
Today, I threw up in class and the professor sent me home. When I left the college I realized I hadn't checked something important so I texted a classmate. He said he couldn't get it for me because class was over he had gone home. I went back, in pain, and saw him still there, reading my text. FML
by damndaniel / 04/28/2016 at 3:29pm / United States (California) / Health
by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
by shit / 04/28/2016 at 7:05am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by MrDanito / 04/28/2016 at 2:21am / Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML
by Jane / 04/27/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML
by Whyme? / 04/27/2016 at 10:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML
by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I realized that my somewhat flamboyant behavior may have given people the wrong impression when my classmate tried to set me up with one of her male friends. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her out all semester. FML
by Gaylord / 04/27/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by kaleighf / 04/27/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2016 at 1:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML
by oh, feck off / 04/27/2016 at 9:02am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
by TooQuick / 04/27/2016 at 8:19am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Work