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Bri1029's favorite FMLs
by Deaththreat101 / 08/08/2012 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that just because you express mail something, it doesn't mean the post office won't still lose it. What did they lose? My signed marriage license. We spent all that time and money to get married on the day of our choosing, and our marriage isn't even valid. FML
by mishkaroni / 08/08/2012 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Health
by FutureMarine3658 / 08/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by blakeintheoffice / 08/08/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Work
Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML
by TJ / 08/08/2012 at 7:23am / United States (Washington) / Work
by FMLMom / 08/08/2012 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 1:59am / United States / Animals
Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML
by MellyBee / 08/07/2012 at 11:15pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML
by Employee / 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
by Alisha / 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Blackfell / 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm / United States / Love
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 10:49am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…