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Bri1029's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
by blink_kid / 08/10/2012 at 8:57am / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous
by Bobby / 08/10/2012 at 7:42am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 1:29am / Europe / Intimacy
Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML
by banana2894 / 08/10/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by mike h / 08/10/2012 at 12:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML
by couchsurfer / 08/09/2012 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML
by sincerely depressed. / 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm / United States (California) / Work
by Badkitty14 / 08/09/2012 at 4:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by flatfoot / 08/09/2012 at 3:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by MsConfusedd / 08/09/2012 at 10:51am / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
by bellabreeze / 08/08/2012 at 11:29pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML
by Dumbfounded / 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love