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Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30358) - you deserved it (3044)
On 04/19/2010 at 7:24pm - animals - by buttpicker - United States
Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45359) - you deserved it (4596)
On 03/18/2010 at 11:22am - health - by human torch - United States
Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3566) - you deserved it (6360)
On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (9244)
On 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm - misc - by NYCguy (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (9244)
On 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm - misc - by NYCguy (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42751) - you deserved it (6374)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22065) - you deserved it (1592)
On 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29311) - you deserved it (9907)
On 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm - love - by leigh2812 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (2141)
On 01/04/2010 at 5:20pm - health - by onthetoilet - Sent from mobile version
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70286) - you deserved it (3935)
On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28319) - you deserved it (4708)
On 12/12/2009 at 12:23am - love - by MarkTheShark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (3283)
On 12/07/2009 at 1:20pm - love - by WoofWoof (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41390) - you deserved it (2648)
On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38507) - you deserved it (2230)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31855) - you deserved it (2160)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Monday 20 May 2013
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