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Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33197) - you deserved it (2156)
On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26731) - you deserved it (3646)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (8414)
On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29149) - you deserved it (2208)
On 06/16/2013 at 7:58pm - kids - by Married2handsome - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34210) - you deserved it (2709)
On 06/16/2013 at 11:46am - misc - by loveyadad (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57664) - you deserved it (5680)
On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37429) - you deserved it (4440)
On 06/11/2013 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38340) - you deserved it (10794)
On 06/10/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50647) - you deserved it (8924)
On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by jack - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40922) - you deserved it (50759)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35264) - you deserved it (4157)
On 06/07/2013 at 12:33am - animals - by Damn Cat - United States (Iowa)
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47695) - you deserved it (3402)
On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51089) - you deserved it (3106)
On 06/04/2013 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37564) - you deserved it (4137)
On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps randomly spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (6227)
On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)
Monday 17 June 2013
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