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Blueocean7's FML badges
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Blueocean7's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 10:14am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 11:31pm / United States / Love
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
by Bouh / 12/26/2012 at 11:04pm / Love
by alicia / 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:06pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by JPPUDLY / 12/11/2012 at 6:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 8:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML
by bastardchild_01 / 10/17/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy