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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25493) - you deserved it (4297)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16300) - you deserved it (2075)
On 03/13/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Samantha - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35220)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6806) - you deserved it (21592)
On 02/29/2012 at 5:36am - intimacy - by areyouserious - United States
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22404) - you deserved it (2800)
On 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by . - United States (California)
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31736) - you deserved it (2117)
On 02/25/2012 at 9:35am - intimacy - by fmylifebigtime - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38459) - you deserved it (3399)
On 02/18/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by hatinthelife - United States (Utah)
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25988) - you deserved it (5435)
On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11904) - you deserved it (30193)
On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States
Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (2025)
On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States
Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34243) - you deserved it (2508)
On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23191) - you deserved it (17394)
On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55350) - you deserved it (2252)
On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55350) - you deserved it (2252)
On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31539) - you deserved it (3750) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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