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Blueocean7's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Blueocean7's favorite FMLs
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML
by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids
Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML
by fuckface? I wish / 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by oops999 / 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Thomas / 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Falling off the wagon / 11/09/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public restroom when my almost-2-year-old figured out how to open the door and run out. Half-a-dozen strangers watched me scramble to pull up my pants and moon everyone before running after her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 10:23am / United States / Kids
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML
by PapaW / 11/01/2013 at 3:01am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML
by soon to be divorced / 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous