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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42130) - you deserved it (3970)
On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)
Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15932) - you deserved it (40287)
On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11072) - you deserved it (32909)
On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26618) - you deserved it (7408)
On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (3606)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)
Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (3769)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:05am - love - by bummer.. (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML
I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (2763)
On 03/01/2013 at 7:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13213) - you deserved it (29908)
On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9842) - you deserved it (25054)
On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18968) - you deserved it (1921)
On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27511) - you deserved it (3133)
On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32775) - you deserved it (1965)
On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (1527)
On 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by vacationless - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27418) - you deserved it (7965)
On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France
Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28088) - you deserved it (2430)
On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 20 May 2013
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