BlueEyesBlondeHa

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BlueEyesBlondeHa

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1557
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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BlueEyesBlondeHa's page activity

Visits<b>fightingkittens</b> - the 03/17/2012 at 4:00am<b>genki008</b> - the 03/27/2009 at 5:58pm

BlueEyesBlondeHa's FML badges

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BlueEyesBlondeHa's favorite FMLs

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

by nana / 05/19/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 8:40am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

by Pokerking98 / 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

by uglyguy252 / 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

by penguinsfan / 05/16/2009 at 10:47am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

by killer / 05/16/2009 at 8:21am / Latvia (Riga) / Animals

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

by badmom101 / 05/16/2009 at 7:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

by UncleRory / 05/16/2009 at 5:13am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

by notacreep / 05/16/2009 at 4:39am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

by RunningMurphy / 05/15/2009 at 3:20am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

by heartless / 05/15/2009 at 2:14am / Canada (Ontario) / Love