Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Bloodknight

Search for a member

Bloodknight
  • Town/Country : Las Vegas, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 10 July 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 11445
  • Number of comments : 270
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Bloodknight : Ask...

Bloodknight's last visitors

ireply_wlyricsNWO666hardflip95_kyleG_that_dancer13TorturedXenoleroyjenkins006guineagirlJaaared_

Bloodknight's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of Bloodknight's badges

Bloodknight's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21989) - you deserved it (3551)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

#5168963
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36309) - you deserved it (10580)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by hatecolin (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

#5150638
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34946) - you deserved it (3834)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by Missy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

#5110290
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49443) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13832) - you deserved it (62266)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

#5021178
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52674) - you deserved it (20053)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

#4975904
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49354) - you deserved it (3694)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:48pm - money - by adriana (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

#4962487
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45799) - you deserved it (3931)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by SaMike (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

#4958000
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82737) - you deserved it (4853)

On 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm - kids - by beya (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

#4949841
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37089) - you deserved it (6574)

On 08/31/2009 at 8:44am - animals - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

#4947813
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34886) - you deserved it (3109)

On 08/31/2009 at 3:37am - animals - by ahdeadcats - United States (California)

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42295) - you deserved it (12542)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

#4942849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36168) - you deserved it (5510)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm - misc - by LGFLIPSTER (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24737) - you deserved it (46470)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49775) - you deserved it (12919)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: