Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

BlazeArmy

Offline (the 09/29/2014 at 12:49am) | Search for a member

BlazeArmy

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 192
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About BlazeArmy : I'm afraid that's classified.

BlazeArmy's page activity

Visits<b>wvni</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:06pm<b>fallen45078</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 9:40am<b>boring_boredom</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 11:20pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 3:40pm<b>TheManInWhiteXx</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 9:11am<b>johnlockshipper</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 4:33pm<b>CryoShock</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 7:49am<b>FeedTheStache</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 12:20am<b>TdotMaria</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:00pm<b>missinthebestie</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 7:02pm<b>fivetimeslonger</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 2:55am<b>noah_1234</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 1:19am<b>relaxedninja</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 9:25pm<b>ashhhalalala</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 8:18pm<b>emmaaadotcom</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 10:40pm<b>fleabeck</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:08am<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 10:57pm<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:26pm

BlazeArmy's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of BlazeArmy's badges

BlazeArmy's favorite FMLs

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35579) - you deserved it (2956)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
79 comments

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43389) - you deserved it (5263)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32921) - you deserved it (2778)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38080) - you deserved it (2791)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42040) - you deserved it (6113)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

#21227795
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38024) - you deserved it (4542)

On 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm - work - by Shitmetalseller (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML

#21184935
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38613) - you deserved it (5078)

On 06/23/2014 at 1:41am - animals - by callmeclarence - United States (California)

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (9109)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46383) - you deserved it (6407)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work. Being a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top. I did so with such force that my head hit the dumpster, knocking me out. FML

#21126821
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35173) - you deserved it (4642)

On 04/30/2014 at 12:20am - work - by KO - United States

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: