Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (yesterday at 6:16pm) | Search for a member
About BenjiX : I prefer to be called Benji. And you've found my hiding place. I play bass for a band I'm trying to piece together. Don't force your religion down my throat. I don't care what people think of me, and I will laugh at you for attempting to insult me. I enjoy all kinds of music from In This Moment, Snow White's Poison Bite, Blood On The Dance Floor, and Black Veil Brides, to Beebs and Her MoneyMakers, Kesha, Katy Perry, and Carly Rae Jepsen. I love movies, Horror, War, Comedy. Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, South Park, American Dad, Family Guy, Dog With A Blog, Good Luck Charlie, Wizards Of Waverly Place, and Liv And Maddie are my favorite shows. I have about 15 different fetishes, and I have sex with pans (not literally of course.) The only things I want out of life is to play in a band, a 98 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX, a Nissan Skyline GT-R34 and to fall asleep holding someone cute. Feel free to message me if you'd like. I bite, but only if you ask :] @BenjiXBass Facebook.com/foozc
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML
Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML
Monday 1 September 2014