About BendyStraw : I'm Sam. I'm 15. I love FMyLife. I've read more than half of the FMLs out there (forreals)
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31528) - you deserved it (3278)
On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -
Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (2744)
On 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm - misc - by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States (Arizona)
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25701) - you deserved it (6312)
On 05/26/2012 at 3:15am - intimacy - by ilovemymomma - United States (Texas)
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (3320)
On 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Class (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22354) - you deserved it (2218)
On 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm - animals - by goldfish - Canada (Alberta)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13978) - you deserved it (20611)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30048) - you deserved it (4915)
On 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by 97 (woman) - United States
Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (3036)
On 02/11/2012 at 5:19am - animals - by lulu - United States (Ohio)
Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25342) - you deserved it (2082)
On 02/10/2012 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Belgium (Brabant Wallon)
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15719) - you deserved it (7032)
On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33721) - you deserved it (6859)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23894) - you deserved it (1796)
On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13958) - you deserved it (9118)
On 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26477) - you deserved it (2973)
On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22499) - you deserved it (4050)
On 01/06/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by plantfood - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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