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About BendyStraw : I'm Sam. I'm 15. I love FMyLife. I've read more than half of the FMLs out there (forreals)
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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7545) - you deserved it (867)
On 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Class (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8259) - you deserved it (516)
On 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm - animals - by goldfish - Canada (Alberta)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4879) - you deserved it (7276)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27081) - you deserved it (3837)
On 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by 97 (woman) - United States
Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6924) - you deserved it (1162)
On 02/11/2012 at 5:19am - animals - by lulu - United States (Ohio)
Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22280) - you deserved it (1614)
On 02/10/2012 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Belgium (Brabant Wallon)
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14084) - you deserved it (6492)
On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11293) - you deserved it (2169)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8989) - you deserved it (845)
On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5046) - you deserved it (3991)
On 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24505) - you deserved it (2770)
On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (3885)
On 01/06/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by plantfood - United States
Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11290) - you deserved it (18022)
On 01/03/2012 at 2:36pm - misc - by max (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9912) - you deserved it (1531)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States
Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21551) - you deserved it (1773)
On 12/19/2011 at 7:24am - kids - by dealingdave - United States (Missouri)
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