BeautyMonster

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Offline (the 05/16/2015 at 10:07pm)

BeautyMonster

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 29 December 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5831
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

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BeautyMonster's page activity

Visits<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 11/17/2016 at 9:23am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 1:01pm<b>smrn95</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 5:38am<b>Mean_Oreo2436</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 12:22am<b>ncbb5</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 12:45pm<b>zuvi9</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 9:56pm<b>houston1617</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 2:18am<b>yathatsucks</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 9:56am<b>radiocaf</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:56pm<b>iT_Cereal</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 4:56am<b>xKG33x</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:08pm<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 11:55pm<b>duduv2</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 4:30am<b>AnonymousKrew</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 12:53am<b>Hardizzle9</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 2:24am<b>rocksmith</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 10:27pm<b>Pyrope</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 4:27am<b>MagnusDeus</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 12:32am

Fucked!<b>venomousflower</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 7:09am

BeautyMonster's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of BeautyMonster's badges

BeautyMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

by BabyG2222 / 09/29/2012 at 5:14am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

by aranya / 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Intimacy

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

by namenlos / 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love