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BeautyMonster

Offline (the 12/03/2014 at 8:51pm) | Search for a member

BeautyMonster

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 29 December 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3709
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

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BeautyMonster's page activity

Visits<b>IJG2000</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 2:34am<b>Jthewat</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 9:50pm<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:30pm<b>namine120409</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 7:34am<b>Bradddddders</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 4:15am<b>destiny328</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 8:15pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:11pm<b>Slayer8674</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 7:21am<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 12:36pm<b>rkdstp1995</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 12:23pm<b>Mfroz</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 10:03am<b>jav23</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Calvatron</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 11:09pm<b>ex_omer</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 3:27am<b>puffthisfish</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 8:10pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 11:27pm<b>bryan1271999</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 11:05pm<b>LittlestPrincess</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 5:55pm

BeautyMonster's FML badges

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BeautyMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31075) - you deserved it (14740)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

#20959118
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44683) - you deserved it (4311)

On 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm - kids - by I don't know, son (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (81562)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67328) - you deserved it (9924)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81290) - you deserved it (4207)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34640) - you deserved it (3638)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26684) - you deserved it (2476)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31922) - you deserved it (6607)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22916) - you deserved it (4577)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

#20077962
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44840) - you deserved it (6456)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by GMD (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37297) - you deserved it (4462)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (6880)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

#19788440
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49809) - you deserved it (3363)

On 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by aranya (man) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

#19689652
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32522) - you deserved it (5440)

On 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by namenlos (man) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

#19667641
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29733) - you deserved it (3840)

On 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)



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