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Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21569) - you deserved it (2742)
On 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm - misc - by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States (Arizona)
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17334) - you deserved it (1283)
On 11/28/2012 at 12:43pm - health - by williebees - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6396) - you deserved it (17762)
On 09/12/2012 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by bruisedego31 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20024) - you deserved it (1935)
On 07/16/2012 at 8:58pm - love - by lurna301 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25851) - you deserved it (20214)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (2573)
On 10/03/2011 at 1:58pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71661) - you deserved it (9146)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11926) - you deserved it (35838)
On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20160) - you deserved it (4304)
On 01/07/2011 at 6:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20077) - you deserved it (5221)
On 11/28/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15006) - you deserved it (44123)
On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)
Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25912) - you deserved it (3405)
On 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm - animals - by riptoofie (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23801) - you deserved it (51232)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51837) - you deserved it (18219)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10966) - you deserved it (50423)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)
Friday 24 May 2013
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