BaussauceRaptor

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Offline (the 03/12/2015 at 10:16pm)

BaussauceRaptor

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1181
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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BaussauceRaptor's page activity

Visits<b>Biden</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 2:12pm

BaussauceRaptor's FML badges

YDI master

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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BaussauceRaptor's favorite FMLs

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm / Intimacy

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

by sadex / 03/09/2015 at 3:52am / Love

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

by actually just constipated.. and stupid / 03/04/2015 at 10:03am / Tunisia / Health

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

by mszoe / 03/01/2015 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

by great / 02/28/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

by great / 02/28/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

by FreshDonuts / 02/28/2015 at 12:03am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

by Fuck / 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

by HaliMali / 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

by FunGhoost / 02/20/2015 at 8:35am / United States (California) / Love