Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Bauer

Search for a member

Bauer

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19919
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Bauer : Oh hello. Didn't see you there. Im Bauer. You may know me from such great sites as Reddit or Sarcastic Gamer where I go by the handle "Bauer22".

I enjoy short walks on the beach (Sand sucks), reading a good novel, and watching people fail miserably at life. (Something you may have noted seeing on on this site.

Bauer's page activity

Visits<b>amarahsohi</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 11:01am<b>inergon</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 11:04pm<b>depressed_child</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 8:28pm<b>Shaifhirboosh</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 11:47am<b>loopyloop64</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 11:47pm<b>Terzy</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 4:24pm<b>RockNRollAndrew</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 11:30am<b>blackribbon1</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 7:01pm<b>jaybear13</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 6:40am<b>Cowgirl1985</b> - the 04/16/2013 at 9:39am<b>jh1ll1999</b> - the 02/22/2013 at 4:20pm<b>AdrastosArmor</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 4:21pm<b>DaisyHB</b> - the 12/14/2009 at 3:30am<b>tyop</b> - the 10/08/2009 at 11:56pm<b>kelsierose1</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 12:22am<b>Cardinal_Ximenez</b> - the 09/10/2009 at 9:37am<b>hatarou</b> - the 07/26/2009 at 10:37pm<b>KittenOnAcid</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 10:57pm

Bauer's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Bauer's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125266) - you deserved it (12708)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

#458793
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9878) - you deserved it (89893)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by skywayavenue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (211993) - you deserved it (35152)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

#154846
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17031) - you deserved it (45942)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by paige (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42882) - you deserved it (3569)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16955) - you deserved it (44254)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84196) - you deserved it (5620)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25459) - you deserved it (66197)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63527) - you deserved it (24347)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

#5069
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44695) - you deserved it (6744)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by rained - Hong Kong

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

#1483
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11056) - you deserved it (21300)

On 01/17/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by ishweta56 - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: