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BassGirl's favorite FMLs
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
by kufan1324 / 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 10:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML
by foreverbrown / 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by FootyFoot / 03/06/2012 at 6:50am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by dumbassbuffet / 11/11/2011 at 10:53am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, I got a DNA test done on my son. The good news? We share DNA, so he's mine. The bad news? My… Today, I went in for an appointment with my therapist. When she saw me, she gasped, "Are you okay?… Today, I had 45 minutes spare between appointments to do some work at the office. I needed to print…