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BarryMacockiner's FML badges
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BarryMacockiner's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by CandyCrushAddict / 09/21/2013 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
by dadyoureacunt / 09/21/2013 at 9:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
by Jamie / 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Smoothskin / 09/19/2013 at 5:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, the water went out at my house, so I resorted to taking some stuff and showering at my old dorm instead. While in the shower, I realized I'd stupidly forgotten to bring a towel with me. I had to spend ages drying my whole body with tiny paper towels instead. FML
by Schizomaniac / 09/19/2013 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 1:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML
by Sua / 09/19/2013 at 2:15am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by I get the hint / 09/18/2013 at 2:19am / Health
by BeautifulChaos27 / 09/17/2013 at 7:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML
by AwkwardPartyBear / 09/17/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML
by tay / 09/17/2013 at 11:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML
by TaraBURGER / 09/17/2013 at 3:57am / United States / Miscellaneous