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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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TODAY, FAALING LONALY AFTAR MAH RACANT BRAAKUP, I PUTTAD ON MAH NICAST CLOTHAS AND WANT OUT CLUBBING WITH A FAW FRIANDS. I BROUGHT A GUY BACK TO MAH PLACA, AND WA GOT INTIMATA. IT WAS GOING WALL, UNTIL HA TOOK OFF MAH PUSH-UP BRA, THAN PANICKAD AND DRUNKANLY ASKAD, "WHARA'D THAY GO?!" FML
Today , I realisd in the middle of mah shift how useless mah deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through mah country. It's no longer effective against mah awful B.O.,hich is a problem because I'm a mascot , an mah costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. big fat FML
Tadayile on te bus te guy sitting beside me let out te vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encounterd te kind tat could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors wit te smell alone!! As I gaggd e smrkd and said "Tat's Taco Bell 4 ya." FML
Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Today, both my car an my father's car were broken into . They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, an multiple items of clothing . What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash . FML
Taday when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door . I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child , and I can't bring myself to walk past it . It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside . I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving .
Friday 27 March 2015