Baroness542

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Offline (the 06/13/2016 at 1:47pm)

Baroness542

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 June 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5682
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Baroness542's page activity

Visits<b>n_a_v_y</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 5:40am<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 2:40pm<b>Spencyy</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:41pm<b>ezrocks4u</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 1:43am<b>rachel_mae_</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 5:08pm<b>facelick</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 11:20am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 2:11pm<b>robsmit98</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 2:52pm<b>KatlynBrooke</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:09am<b>idgafSOstfu</b> - the 05/23/2013 at 2:36am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:36pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 9:27am<b>CaptainPat</b> - the 01/08/2011 at 12:57pm<b>Matt_192</b> - the 12/04/2010 at 10:48pm<b>DonULFonso</b> - the 10/19/2010 at 9:47am<b>greyy_goooose</b> - the 09/22/2010 at 10:16am<b>saranottelling</b> - the 01/30/2010 at 6:18pm<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 12/11/2009 at 11:39pm

Baroness542's FML badges

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Baroness542's favorite FMLs

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

by hailey / 12/10/2012 at 12:10am / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

by mommabuser / 07/01/2012 at 11:59am / Animals

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2012 at 8:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

by cockblocked / 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

by bibou2324 / 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm / Work

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous