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Badluckbobby's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
by ...... / 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
by ohsnap / 01/22/2011 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by fouryearswasted / 12/19/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Love
by anoynomous / 02/02/2010 at 12:47am / Transportation
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
by sarahh38 / 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
by drugged_on_arrival / 09/10/2009 at 6:55am / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML
by Nofatforme / 09/06/2009 at 12:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
by esb / 08/13/2009 at 11:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Tuck_My_Life / 08/03/2009 at 1:15am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
by hyper12332 / 04/29/2009 at 10:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
by Daniel_rules / 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy