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BaconBitter

Offline (the 09/11/2014 at 11:26pm) | Search for a member

BaconBitter

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  • Number of visits : 192
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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BaconBitter's page activity

Visits<b>tall_midget</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:55am<b>hockeychick27</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 2:21pm

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BaconBitter's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46375) - you deserved it (6550)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53420) - you deserved it (32416)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42640) - you deserved it (3493)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

#20538296
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13806) - you deserved it (44383)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (9217)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33585) - you deserved it (3653)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44058) - you deserved it (3263)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

#15857597
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32937) - you deserved it (3161)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

#14789249
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35953) - you deserved it (4322)

On 01/31/2011 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by yournick (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

#14604817
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43922) - you deserved it (6329)

On 01/16/2011 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29053) - you deserved it (4491)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States



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