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BTF989

Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 4:10pm) | Search for a member

BTF989

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1456
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About BTF989 : I am a pirate.

BTF989's page activity

Visits<b>Flendre_scarlet</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:37am<b>gogators941</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 6:43pm<b>imbatmanfir</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 8:27pm<b>hxnnxh</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:28pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 5:19pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:38pm<b>TaylorWhiteGirl</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 6:50pm<b>Role448</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:42pm<b>awiseman</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:31pm<b>xHoiHoi</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Chixxapow</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:09pm<b>shudson186</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:23am<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:13am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 6:38am<b>heythisisme02</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 12:25am<b>BFons</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 9:44am<b>savvy8</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 12:31pm<b>EndOfSekrets</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 1:03am

BTF989's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of BTF989's badges

BTF989's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

#20889160
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47708) - you deserved it (3909)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

#20882660
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26727) - you deserved it (39139)

On 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

#20869873
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40797) - you deserved it (2429)

On 09/06/2013 at 3:01am - work - by lifesucks0925 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44308) - you deserved it (2987)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43020) - you deserved it (7335)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

#20856532
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35450) - you deserved it (18610)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:13pm - health - by anditburnsburnsburns - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54739) - you deserved it (6340)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43913) - you deserved it (14417)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56368) - you deserved it (6675)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59463) - you deserved it (20972)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

#20768438
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49336) - you deserved it (4653)

On 07/07/2013 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65664) - you deserved it (21350)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54940) - you deserved it (7746)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)



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