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BEATONOFF

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BEATONOFF

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  • Number of visits : 732
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BEATONOFF's favorite FMLs

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (3530)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33824) - you deserved it (3611)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

#16464480
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11147) - you deserved it (39136)

On 06/02/2011 at 4:46am - intimacy - by tomuchtime -

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

#16450721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14943) - you deserved it (43010)

On 06/01/2011 at 12:05pm - work - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

#16081373
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37274) - you deserved it (11918)

On 05/07/2011 at 6:27pm - misc - by Mel (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

#15793085
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59972) - you deserved it (4324)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:38am - love - by ZaraAce (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37236) - you deserved it (31527)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

#15203950
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36713) - you deserved it (12475)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by insomnitude (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37630) - you deserved it (23433)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (4682)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

#14587697
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32100) - you deserved it (3457)

On 01/15/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

#14330650
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12162) - you deserved it (26418)

On 12/25/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

#14161445
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29135) - you deserved it (2736)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:11am - misc - by ShaunBomb - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

#13495113
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15543) - you deserved it (33940)

On 10/18/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

#13295050
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (8578)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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