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Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21351) - you deserved it (4366)
On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)
Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19877) - you deserved it (1195)
On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23461) - you deserved it (2385)
On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7100) - you deserved it (50847)
On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20969) - you deserved it (2047)
On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7535) - you deserved it (28224)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21332) - you deserved it (4082)
On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (3560)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20686) - you deserved it (4611)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37781) - you deserved it (1579)
On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to a Christian. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17864) - you deserved it (2039)
On 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12869) - you deserved it (32242)
On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14517) - you deserved it (2290)
On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8078) - you deserved it (24520)
On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6786) - you deserved it (37017)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:25am - kids - by Bratty son (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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