Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Azrael9

Search for a member

Azrael9
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 July 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 4586
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Azrael9's last visitors

Bulldozer36JedTheSpedjonnyscash

Azrael9's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Azrael9's badges

Azrael9's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37686) - you deserved it (4593)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39776) - you deserved it (11623)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

#21040204
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45992) - you deserved it (3620)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42352) - you deserved it (8331)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43608) - you deserved it (6802)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41238) - you deserved it (5940)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46013) - you deserved it (4584)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. 5ML

#21038740
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35205) - you deserved it (5795)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:34pm - misc - by DJ (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

#21038657
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (3445)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm - misc - by PangolinScholar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34710) - you deserved it (18580)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39856) - you deserved it (3998)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (8417)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

#21037274
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45282) - you deserved it (4421)

On 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm - love - by heartbrokenhaley - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

#21035436
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58652) - you deserved it (8022)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: