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Azrael9

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Azrael9
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 July 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 4580
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Azrael9's favorite FMLs

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47945) - you deserved it (8381)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48095) - you deserved it (5164)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57242) - you deserved it (3605)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47662) - you deserved it (10614)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71413) - you deserved it (6345)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

#20647074
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55480) - you deserved it (4330)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29778) - you deserved it (38479)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48049) - you deserved it (6804)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43068) - you deserved it (10547)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

#20639737
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54737) - you deserved it (2752)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58177) - you deserved it (8824)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50250) - you deserved it (3893)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20055) - you deserved it (37395)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38406) - you deserved it (7687)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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