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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20778) - you deserved it (4363)
On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24432) - you deserved it (6015)
On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24424) - you deserved it (3460)
On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22504) - you deserved it (2885)
On 08/18/2011 at 5:41pm - health - by AmySweet - United States (Washington)
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28320) - you deserved it (5111)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (2345)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15854) - you deserved it (7322)
On 08/16/2011 at 12:55pm - work - by secret dancer (woman) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20453) - you deserved it (2452)
On 08/14/2011 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20663) - you deserved it (6986)
On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the airport to pick up my mother since my baby is due soon. As she arrived, I smiled wide and opened my arms for a hug, but she walked right by me. Apparently, being pregnant makes me unrecognizable. My husband and I had to tell it her was me, her own daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (1812)
On 08/14/2011 at 6:34am - misc - by Motherly Love - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7070) - you deserved it (24545)
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24935) - you deserved it (3234)
On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25467) - you deserved it (1924)
On 08/12/2011 at 9:14am - kids - by LuckySperm (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30383) - you deserved it (3346)
On 08/10/2011 at 9:11am - misc - by MaydayManic - United States
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (6099)
On 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm - animals - by Zoe Avila - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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