Azrael9

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Offline (the 12/18/2014 at 12:31am)

Azrael9

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 July 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18434
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Azrael9's page activity

Visits<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 12:19am<b>Mathis92987</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 11:06pm<b>JedTheSped</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 12:25am<b>jonnyscash</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 6:18am

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Azrael9's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm / United States / Health

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

by idiot bro / 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

by x.x / 07/06/2014 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2014 at 6:02pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Kids

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

by Madridsta / 06/28/2014 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

by keelah / 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals