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Azrael9's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML
by Shitmetalseller / 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Work
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
by whoops / 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Ljiljka / 08/01/2014 at 10:37am / Serbia / Miscellaneous
by Yeppets / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / United States / Love
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / Germany (Hessen) / Animals
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm / United States (New York) / Health
by PrincessPromotion / 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/20/2014 at 1:23am / United States / Work
by Death By Parent / 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
by KaiyaOtaku1 / 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML
by Hiimhaileypotter / 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals