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Azrael9

Offline (the 11/14/2014 at 3:58pm) | Search for a member

Azrael9

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 July 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7839
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Azrael9's page activity

Visits<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 12:19am<b>Mathis92987</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 11:06pm<b>JedTheSped</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 12:25am<b>jonnyscash</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 6:18am

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Azrael9's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

#21227795
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37077) - you deserved it (4552)

On 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm - work - by Shitmetalseller (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43378) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33899) - you deserved it (22546)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43117) - you deserved it (4180)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37620) - you deserved it (4812)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37419) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40028) - you deserved it (5739)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50904) - you deserved it (11795)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

#21214798
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49191) - you deserved it (4080)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50455) - you deserved it (6786)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40214) - you deserved it (6018)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML

#21209155
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37065) - you deserved it (4762)

On 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm - animals - by Hiimhaileypotter (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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