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Azrael9's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
by sonofaneuroticwench / 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by FANZZY / 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
by 919191 / 08/18/2014 at 9:26am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
by Degueusement / 08/18/2014 at 12:48am / Intimacy
by HauntedTwilight / 08/14/2014 at 9:09pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Health
Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML
by winstonweigand / 08/14/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML
by UnSupported / 08/14/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople / 08/11/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm / Israel / Intimacy
by poolfail / 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm / Miscellaneous
by younggirl101 / 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by ihatespiders / 08/05/2014 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by SirTalkaton / 08/03/2014 at 1:38pm / United States (California) / Geek
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…