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Azrael9

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Azrael9
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 July 1986 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 4562
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Azrael9's favorite FMLs

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28655) - you deserved it (2598)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

#21117573
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27967) - you deserved it (1925)

On 04/19/2014 at 10:39pm - work - by notmine (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28166) - you deserved it (3291)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31214) - you deserved it (4762)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30204) - you deserved it (5523)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19385) - you deserved it (33322)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34474) - you deserved it (5968)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

#21113897
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34223) - you deserved it (3412)

On 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm - love - by gerontofuck (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41724) - you deserved it (5862)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41248) - you deserved it (3083)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32885) - you deserved it (7679)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41975) - you deserved it (2454)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

#21110214
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (4694)

On 04/11/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by Gomer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40330) - you deserved it (3537)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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