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Ayezed's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 6:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by rabidfairy / 08/12/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML
by Kewl_Kat / 07/24/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Vermont) / Love
Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML
by dypshyyt / 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Roy Lawson / 06/25/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (California) / Health
by Lookalike / 05/12/2014 at 10:38am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
by bigjohn106 / 07/17/2011 at 8:34am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML
by OmniVore / 02/25/2010 at 4:42am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love
Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML
by catlady5569 / 08/27/2009 at 4:13am / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 8:11am / United States (Florida) / Work
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