Avoriginies

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Offline (the 10/30/2015 at 5:39pm)

Avoriginies

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 July 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6312
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Avoriginies's page activity

Visits<b>Cligg</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 9:31am<b>NoYesNoYesNoYes</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 2:34pm<b>Jackek</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 8:30am<b>colinabi</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 11:18pm<b>Mons</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 6:18am<b>Illuminati_</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 5:40pm<b>wheresmymary</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 8:12pm<b>_delaneybear</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 12:54am<b>Tymaster5</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 1:59am<b>Johnatron</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 5:23pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 8:01pm<b>Decepticus</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:17am<b>LOLgasmic123</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 5:42am<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 3:03pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 10:16pm<b>vanessuhm</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 12:13pm<b>Taytochill23</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 3:50pm<b>randomshuffle369</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 9:36pm

Avoriginies's FML badges

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Avoriginies's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

by UnknownOperation / 09/04/2012 at 9:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

by The Horrible Older Sister / 09/02/2012 at 6:07am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

by thewhompingwillow / 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

by pride? what's that? :( / 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

by jon / 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

by sal / 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Love

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

by mississippi123 / 08/06/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

by SingleAgain / 08/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

by HappyMan / 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous