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Avoriginies's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:54am / United States / Health
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 02/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by cazorp / 01/05/2012 at 6:43am / United States (Texas) / Money
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
by lebato97 / 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Surprisebuttsecks? / 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by drummahboi99 / 12/03/2011 at 8:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
by hannahlorraine / 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals
by box bulge / 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm / China / Health
Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML
by lostlove / 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I… Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap… Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making…