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AuricBeast

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AuricBeast
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 691
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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AuricBeast's favorite FMLs

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

#760336
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17390) - you deserved it (68228)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58255) - you deserved it (6269)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
860 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49435) - you deserved it (598887)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

#415809
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92156) - you deserved it (42640)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (197636) - you deserved it (31327)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128691) - you deserved it (19260)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (240983) - you deserved it (36573)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

#158702
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41393) - you deserved it (7166)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:30am - work - by eggs (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (5940)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

#97632
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239913) - you deserved it (43381)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (218275) - you deserved it (77979)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

#35996
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (5914)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

#24455
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20162) - you deserved it (14172)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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