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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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AstroxZombiesx

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AstroxZombiesx
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 187
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About AstroxZombiesx : |: i suck at these. but hi.

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AstroxZombiesx's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (40591) - you deserved it (11984)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69509) - you deserved it (14725)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (52654) - you deserved it (3716)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (46478) - you deserved it (12642)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (3476)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

#3522499 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (5745)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (42398) - you deserved it (6763)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

#3429206 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (40287) - you deserved it (2295)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by farrahfarrest_ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (46079) - you deserved it (6572)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

#3246317 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (33072) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by sad_panda (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

#2621619 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (39567) - you deserved it (7625)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (46277)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15376) - you deserved it (83284)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498 (404)

I agree, your life sucks (75812) - you deserved it (9736)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

#1485215 (493)

I agree, your life sucks (81572) - you deserved it (11216)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)