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Asstazztic

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Asstazztic

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 22 May 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2487
  • Number of comments : 330
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Asstazztic : Live in the beautiful OC, work at a retirement home, work out at LA Fitness so if u ever see me say hi =} and I am studying to be an actor =D Anything else feel free to ask

Asstazztic's page activity

Visits<b>kellyh</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 10:48am<b>blcusername</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 11:31am<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:27am<b>singer0421</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 4:53am<b>jake979797</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:20pm<b>euphoricness</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 9:22pm<b>mgmitter</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 8:41pm<b>PrincessCastiel</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 10:46pm<b>gunner_12</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 12:52pm<b>SirFrancisDrake</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:40am<b>hybridpordigy</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 11:13am<b>jazmin3012</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 10:21pm<b>amanimonster101</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 3:37pm<b>boredgirl123</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 6:46pm<b>Bola2nv</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 4:59pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 9:24am<b>Pharoian_Viking</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 5:23pm<b>swick25</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 8:54pm

Asstazztic's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of Asstazztic's badges

Asstazztic's favorite FMLs

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36762) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

#20478132
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (4515)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm - love - by vagina dentata for christmas, pls (woman) - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26792) - you deserved it (6944)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

#8636971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18908) - you deserved it (4695)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by popeye (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

#8074881
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29315) - you deserved it (4277)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:11am - love - by black_commet08 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26473) - you deserved it (13510)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

#7255890
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18411) - you deserved it (5255)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25354) - you deserved it (32368)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

#6660964
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14541) - you deserved it (41895)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by cookscatastrophy - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62417) - you deserved it (15861)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112305) - you deserved it (8473)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10578) - you deserved it (69828)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36039) - you deserved it (61286)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71056) - you deserved it (18432)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)



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