Asstazztic

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Asstazztic

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 22 May 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2969
  • Number of comments : 330
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Asstazztic : Live in the beautiful OC, work at a retirement home, work out at LA Fitness so if u ever see me say hi =} and I am studying to be an actor =D Anything else feel free to ask

Asstazztic's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 2:51pm<b>jill97</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:23pm<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 2:57pm<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 8:52pm<b>itsalanis</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 1:23am<b>cIouds</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 6:19am<b>heliumperiod</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 7:46am<b>nextstone</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 11:26pm<b>splitms</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:55pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 10:41am<b>Kitty1811</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 4:18pm<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 10:55pm<b>Saywat145</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 11:24am<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:21am<b>patts_</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 2:32pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 3:55pm<b>HockeyJules</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 10:16pm<b>furstur</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 10:15pm

Fucked!<b>splitms</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 1:56am<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 4:55am<b>patts_</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 8:32pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 9:55pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 3:27pm

Asstazztic's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of Asstazztic's badges

Asstazztic's favorite FMLs

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

by vagina dentata for christmas, pls / 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Love

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

by popeye / 02/25/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

by black_commet08 / 02/10/2010 at 12:11am / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2010 at 10:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

by cookscatastrophy / 12/08/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

by Cail / 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

by alexis89 / 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous