About AssassinYumi : I'm an odd girl. I love video games, heavy metal, and sugar.
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AssassinYumi's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
by lanu / 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by single / 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by secretdoll / 11/09/2010 at 2:51am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by cantstoplaughing / 10/06/2010 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
by ohman / 10/02/2010 at 2:28am / Singapore / Love
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/20/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation…
- Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by… Today, I was in the middle of watching this awesome show on Hulu. I was halfway through the season… Today, my girlfriend and I woke up in a frisky mood and after a very quick glance around the house…