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About AssassinYumi : I'm an odd girl. I love video games, heavy metal, and sugar.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7332) - you deserved it (678)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by lanu (man) - United States
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20807) - you deserved it (6387)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22966) - you deserved it (6196)
On 10/13/2011 at 3:19am - intimacy - by scewable (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29796) - you deserved it (7266)
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (6616)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30375) - you deserved it (5203)
On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26845) - you deserved it (2489)
On 11/09/2010 at 2:51am - intimacy - by secretdoll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30172) - you deserved it (6127)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27598) - you deserved it (15689)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (2489)
On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32013) - you deserved it (7095)
On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (4018)
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26019) - you deserved it (1712)
On 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33329) - you deserved it (9128)
On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (2759)
On 08/20/2010 at 7:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)
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