AssassinBug

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AssassinBug

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 July 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 520
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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AssassinBug's page activity

Visits<b>kerstileann</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 6:21pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 4:36am<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 5:06pm<b>potatozzzzz</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 4:40pm<b>leidiang</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 11:33pm<b>iknowiwantyou</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 1:21pm<b>Sports_guy3</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 2:47pm

AssassinBug's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

See all of AssassinBug's badges

AssassinBug's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

by familyofpsychos / 10/26/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

by smashed / 09/24/2012 at 10:33am / United States / Kids

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

by Grindwhore / 09/17/2012 at 6:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

by MeanMother / 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 7:18am / United States / Kids

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

by Fairy31 / 02/29/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

by fatlady / 03/07/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

by Username / 03/03/2010 at 11:34am / Health

Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML

by icegirl38 / 03/03/2010 at 10:09am / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

by smellyhand / 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals