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AssassinBug

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AssassinBug

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 July 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 149
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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AssassinBug's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 1:33am<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 5:06pm<b>potatozzzzz</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 4:40pm<b>leidiang</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 11:33pm<b>iknowiwantyou</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 1:21pm<b>Sports_guy3</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 2:47pm

AssassinBug's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

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AssassinBug's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39471) - you deserved it (6535)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

#20618435
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44982) - you deserved it (5949)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19595) - you deserved it (6370)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23968) - you deserved it (1916)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

#20086472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19759) - you deserved it (5673)

On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

#20077908
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28296) - you deserved it (3369)

On 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm - kids - by unfortunateMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

#19861407
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6202) - you deserved it (80350)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21639) - you deserved it (2742)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

#19190848
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33850) - you deserved it (1879)

On 02/29/2012 at 7:01pm - kids - by Fairy31 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

#18892690
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29577) - you deserved it (2471)

On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

#8883543
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7999) - you deserved it (33400)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41am - health - by fatlady - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

#8797519
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5936) - you deserved it (20936)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10283) - you deserved it (28999)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

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