About AssOf2009 : I've been to known to laugh at the wrong times, but I am a good person.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13427) - you deserved it (27911)
On 07/21/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by jtaylor94 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13427) - you deserved it (27911)
On 07/21/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by jtaylor94 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (71533) - you deserved it (4219)
On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me starring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41493) - you deserved it (4534)
On 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm - misc - by fatgirl4 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32616) - you deserved it (7311)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Cyberella (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7608) - you deserved it (55944)
On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37793) - you deserved it (2910)
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16022) - you deserved it (33603)
On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47057) - you deserved it (2849)
On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49130) - you deserved it (6973)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10057) - you deserved it (46382)
Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35490) - you deserved it (1877)
On 06/26/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by toothfairy (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45127) - you deserved it (6156)
On 06/25/2009 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58504) - you deserved it (8836)
On 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by toomuchmetal (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42567) - you deserved it (2489)
On 06/24/2009 at 6:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Monday 20 May 2013
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