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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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AssOf2009

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AssOf2009
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 2 September 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1474
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About AssOf2009 : I've been to known to laugh at the wrong times, but I am a good person.

AssOf2009's last visitors

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AssOf2009's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

#4501015 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (37752) - you deserved it (5271)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by Jamie (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

#4390230 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (34703) - you deserved it (8252)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (33775) - you deserved it (5057)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69500) - you deserved it (14724)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

#4308181 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (59840)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

#4299619 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (56074)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (7361) - you deserved it (46631)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

#4219573 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (50429) - you deserved it (10397)

On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

#4161962 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (37691) - you deserved it (1569)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

#4158714 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (37394) - you deserved it (2854)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (43465) - you deserved it (2490)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

#4156133 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (9009) - you deserved it (35574)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML

#4147298 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (30073) - you deserved it (2811)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351 (348)

I agree, your life sucks (51324) - you deserved it (4755)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (42479) - you deserved it (6056)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)