About AphyTheBronette : Reading FML's reminds me to appreciate my days more when they don't turn out like the stories on this site.
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AphyTheBronette's favorite FMLs
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
by scaredofcutouts / 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by LovedByFamily / 10/08/2012 at 11:08am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by GamerTag / 10/02/2012 at 9:11am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
by what the fuck, mate / 09/30/2012 at 3:00pm / Australia / Work
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
by Shortround / 09/30/2012 at 8:56am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML
by oohrahgal / 09/30/2012 at 12:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
- Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…