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ApacheC424's favorite FMLs
Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML
by grlzze444 / 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
by youreajoker / 11/10/2010 at 5:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 1:58am / United States / Work
by hannahj88 / 10/16/2010 at 12:41am / Australia / Work
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML
by sister_woes / 10/09/2010 at 2:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:30am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 2:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 7:22am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Pr unlucky / 10/02/2010 at 4:07am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…